It is very difficult to communicate during deep depression, therefore, many people tear contacts with the world around and stay in loneliness. But maybe in your life there is loved one or several, who is ready to support you in a difficult period. But here is a question – what is a difference between these people and the others? Because in absence of depression it is possible to communicate free with many people.
Any communication means games according to different estimates. work out 70-90 percent of communications. There are a certain scenario, recompense, purpose and clear rules in these games. But the person who has a depression does not have energy on habitual games. These people usually say, paying their way: “Sorry, but I am out of shape today,” but in cases of deep depression they even say: “I have lost myself”. Depression blows off like a balloon and those numerous lanes which are cut on it like on the LP scratch and the needle jumps from one on another. What should I say now, what brow should I have, what did I usually do in such situation? These are the questions which have no answer.
People who do not play games with you and who are ready to take you as they find you can help you when you have depression. All contradictions between you and people around you appear because of certain expectations concerning your behavior and if you do not correspond to these expectations, there is a conflict. When people minds are free from expectations and estimations (that unfortunately happens very rare) they take you as they find you. If I do not expect something from you and take you as I find you, then what kind of problems can be? You have a bad mood today, and you do not have enough energy even to talk today – well, I will take you as I find you, I will not ask you any questions and look for explanations. If you have been in depression for half a year, I will take you as I find 180 times.
That is very good if in your life there is a person who understands and accepts you not only in peace and chime, but also in depression. Heavy depressions affect almost all personality spheres, and for people around you it is not so easy to accept this. Not everybody understands that depression is not simply a weak will, but a disease. Unfortunately, in depression you are not able to appreciate this. It is difficult for you to find simple words? When inside you there is emptiness. Do not blame yourself. Any depression will end one day, and then you will understand.
It is a heart-rending experience for both when one of the partners is in depression. Sometimes, it is beyond their power. That is why the probability of divorces in families with one depressive partner increases in 10 times. Results of the numerous tests with people who sometimes communicated with depressive person showed the only thing, that this communication did not get away with. More often during the communication people try to affect the situation somehow: to rattle up a person, to change his irreciprocal “black” vision of the world. But more often it is not successful. Conversely more often it leads to the opposite result, and the person begins to feel his inferiority and retires into a shell. And those who tried to help have a reciprocal feeling of confusion.
Not so long time ago the results of the research performed in Germany have been published. For ten years the families where one of partners suffers depression have been observed. It emerged that in those families where healthy partner was emotionally involved in the disease and as a matter of fact endures it together with the partner there were favorable development of the disease in the future. And in those families where disease did not involve emotional sphere of the partner the backset of disease happened much more often.
If your loved one is in depression, probably you will want to prove that actually the world is wonderful. But whose world? And if for you sun is bright and warm, it does not matter that it is the same for others. The case is that we do not see the world with eyes, eyes are simply oculars which with help of sensory channels are connected with certain parts of the brain, which are responsible for perception. Depression changes a normal work of chemical processes in the brain and the world becomes gray. It is not an epithet, it is literally – during depression the world is perceived in gradation of the gray.
And if you say: “Look, this is so amazingly!” – but you will say only about your world, about your sensations. And even if he looks around and for dear life tries to feel that what you are talking about, this will be counter-productive. Because of obtusion of perception, he will not be able to do that physically. His sun will be daffodil, sounds will be dim and smells will be flavourless. Then he will think that he is not like you and the others, what will increase the depression and you will grow apart. Try to understand that your and his world, which are imaged on the amphiblestrodes are very different.
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